Distinctions

Acquiring new distinctions = improving our capacity for seeing new possibilities and taking more effective Action in a given domain. This is important to notice. So we make this fundamental claim: We look with our eyes, but we observe through our distinctions. — Chalmers Brothers

Here is a thing we do in language: we separate things from other things and name those things so that we can point to specific features of the world in order to make observations about what we are seeing. Which is to say, more succinctly, we make distinctions.

For example, if I go into a forest by myself I will see trees, plants, birds, insects, and flowers. But if I go into a forest with an herbalist they will be able to make meaningful distinctions about the plants, trees, and flowers—which ones can be consumed, which might be used in the case of illness and injury, and which ones to avoid. What used to appear as bundles of photosynthesizing organisms or radical bursts of color, through the distinctions of the herbalist, reveals the symbiotic and nuanced relationship between humans and our plant allies.

Distinctions play a role in all domains of life. And mastery in any domain requires deep familiarity with specific sets of distinctions. To become a surgeon or a carpenter or a chef requires a fluency with specialized terms that are networked together in a specific way ¹. In the case of a surgeon, the distinctions they acquire through their training allow them to perceive, comprehend, and interact with the human body in a specialized way according to the philosophy of Western medicine. Of course, a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine, also a specialist in the human body, will have an entirely different set of distinctions than those of the surgeon based on the philosophy of that particular lineage. While both specialize in healing the human body, each specific set of distinctions opens up radically different pathways for healing.

My background in design provides me with a set of linguistic distinctions that allow me to observe the human-made world in specific ways. I mean, put a bunch of designers together in an elevator and you’ll see these distinctions at work—the elevator goes nowhere while five people discuss the various affordances and design decisions that went into crafting the elevator, its interface, and how humans interact with that interface. People without this particular set of distinctions simply get in the elevator and press the button for their floor (which is not always as simple as would seem, and then the designers discuss even longer).

Most of the time we aren’t aware of our distinctions. How we see the world seems to be how it is. If we feel stuck, if our actions don't generate the results we want, then there is probably something we are unable to see. When we make new distinctions we can make new things happen. If we can’t change what we can’t see, and distinctions are a way of seeing, then distinctions must be an essential component of change.

In coaching, we can offer distinctions in service of supporting the person we are working with so they can see themselves and their situation in new ways. We can also listen closely to the distinctions people use to understand how the world appears to them—what they are able to see and what remains hidden. Maybe someone on your team is making a distinction about what is happening in a particular project that is going sideways. And that distinction isn’t really helping them resolve the situation they are in. In the coaching role, you can offer a new set of distinctions that changes how they see the situation, which leads to possibilities for new kinds of action.

A typical distinction that frequently gets people stuck is the one that casts the world in terms of right and wrong—as in they are right and everyone else is wrong!

You can see how this perspective limits possibilities—when right/wrong is the primary distinction then there is only one path forward: resist everyone who is wrong and convince them to accept what is right (generally a fool’s errand). This kind of black and white thinking creates conflict and usually increases, rather than decreases, resistance. As a coach you may offer someone new distinctions about the motivations (such as intrinsic/extrinsic) of others, what people care about, and what they are goaled on by the company, which can start to make visible the specific perspectives and truths each person holds. These distinctions open up new possibilities for action that weren’t available under the right/wrong distinction.

It’s also worth taking a moment to point out that the English language has a limited range of distinctions (this is true for every language, none is complete). I note this because, especially in transnational companies where folks from different linguistic and cultural backgrounds are collaborating, we can forget and think our way of making observations is universal, especially when English is the common language spoken in an organization². And English, because it is the language of colonization, (along with a few others, but none have become the “world wide language of communication” like English has) has mistaken a very provincial worldview for a universal one.

I recently came across a fantastic article that elaborates on the Arabic word Al-muthanna:

Al-muthanna refers to a relation between two people that becomes very important in the lives of both, and yet has a life of its own – almost like a common baby. It is neither a legal relation nor intellectual nor economic nor social… it develops in a free and natural way between the two. It is neither a couple nor dual – although the latter is usually used to refer to it. Al-muthanna does not perceive the other as non-I or as a person that is a copy of I, and it is not a higher synthesis/ unity of the two. Each person remains who s/he is but a relation starts developing between the two, a relation that becomes so important in both persons’ lives that neither can live any longer as if it is not there.

This distinction offers new ways of seeing outside of Descartes’ infuriatingly cognitive maxim “I think therefore I am,” and opens up a new existential possibility: “You are, therefore I am.” To see al-muthanna is to shift from disembodied mental isolation to a fully relational way of being, one that is not linguistically distinguishable in the English language³. This isn’t to say the experience of it doesn't exist for English speakers — we probably felt it acutely in our early years. But it is not an experience that has been valued or prioritized in Western cultures that place such a high value on the individual.

Now that I have a word, now that the experience of al-muthanna has been distinguished, I can observe the relationships in my life in new ways. What does it mean to tend not just to a relationship, but the al-muthanna as well? When I exist because you are, what is now possible that wasn't before? My own explorations of that question have already led to several insights, but rather than get into them here I'll leave you to explore on your own.

To start getting a sense of distinctions and how they work in your life, I’ll leave you with a few reflection questions:

• How much am I able to observe with my current distinctions?
• What can I tell about the observational capacity of others based on the distinctions they are using?
• What might I not be observing because I lack distinctions?
• How might I go about learning new distinctions?
• What possibilities become available to me once I have integrated those new distinctions?