One of the biggest challenges of leadership is shared knowledge.
Usually we think this covers business-related knowledge: mission and vision, customer behavior, quarterly and yearly goals, jobs to be done, market dynamics, and organizational context. Which is not wrong, but is incomplete.
It’s not just knowledge about the business that needs to be shared, but ways of working, behaving, communicating, and responding, which can be a particular blind spot of leadership. Leaders do what is obvious to them, and assume that same thing must be obvious to others.
And because this is a blind spot, leaders can get pretty worked up when people fail to do the very things that seem obvious to them. They get frustrated, make up stories, and blame the team, rather than just, you know, tell people about those obvious and common sense things they expect them to do.
This gets even more tricky when you consider the foibles of human communication. What I say is often not what people hear, even though I think I’ve perfectly said what I mean. And I usually won’t find out until after the fact, when what I thought I communicated fails to manifest (in which case I am probably going to blame the other party and not myself!).
Thankfully, there are a few things you can do to keep these misses from happening and get everyone on the same page.
Getting Clear Together
First, say out loud, and as clearly as you can, what your expectations are.
Here is an expectation I have: “I expect that people will arrive to meetings on time and prepared, and if they can’t make it or will be late, will let me know at least 24 hours prior.”
Second, figure out if what you said has been understood the way you intended it. “Is this clear? What questions do you have?”
In the case above, one question might be, “How should we let you know?” Another might be, “What if the meeting is on Monday morning?” Someone else might wonder about what being prepared for a meeting looks like or what counts as “late”.
See what I mean? What seems clear to you actually isn’t all that clear when tested against the perspective, experience, and work history of others.
Once you’ve gotten clear together, the next step is to find out if folks agree with what you shared. Just because you expect people to behave a certain way doesn’t mean it will resonate or be acceptable to them. They might have some other ideas around meeting protocols.
Whether they agree immediately or you spend some time workshopping it together, the finally step is to write down what you agreed to in a place everyone can easily refer to it when needed.
From Expectations to Shared Agreements
The process just described is what is commonly referred to in the coaching world as “expectations and agreements”. Expectations exist in your head, and if you don’t share them you set yourself up for continuous disappointment because people can’t read your mind.
The alternative is to create a set of shared agreements—expectations that are shared out loud, agreed to or modified, and then written down for reference. Shared agreements usually exist as “living documents” that can be updated or modified at anytime, to keep the system responsive and flexible.
A good sign you are holding an expectation that would be better as a shared agreement is frustration and negative judgements that people just don’t “get it.” What is it they don’t get? Surface that expectation and share it! If you have ever thought to yourself, “Well, I do X, so why aren’t they doing X?” that is a great sign of an unshared expectation! Put it out into the open!
Here are some of the shared agreements I use with each cohort of Leader as Coach:
- Everything is welcome: Whatever shows up in class is welcome. We bring compassion, appreciation and non-judgement to each other and to this work.
- We take care of ourselves: We don’t need to ask permission to do what we need to tend to ourselves. We will let people know when we need to step away.
- Commitment: We are committed to each other and this learning container throughout our time together. This means active participation in sessions, completing weekly experiments, sharing reflections, and communicating proactively if challenges arise.
- Psychological Safety: We are here to learn and support each other in that learning. We commit to supporting, listening, and giving space without judgement for people to share openly. We hold positive intent and give people the benefit of the doubt, and do our best to hold back from fixing, directing, and giving advice without consent.
Creating a set of shared agreements with your team can be transformative. Not only are your expectations clear and out in the open, but because they are created collaboratively, everyone feels invested. People aren’t being told what to do, they are collectively shaping team behavior.
This also means you waste a lot less energy feeling frustrated and ruminating about why people aren’t doing or responding in ways you think they should. It’s a big world. We’ve all been shaped by different upbringings, education, cultures, and work experiences. Do yourself and your team a favor and say as clearly as you can what you want, and then explore that together.
You expectations -> agreements checklist:
- Have I said it out loud?
- Have people understood it?
- Do they agree with it?
- If not, what can we come up with as an alternative?
- Have we written it down where everyone can find it?
